


Idiosyncrasy

by daveuh



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Character Study, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Implied Relationships, Its like a series of one shots in the same story, Like no consistency or plot, M/M, Multi, No Sex, One Shot, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Pre-Relationship, References to Depression, Relationships will be added as "story" progresses, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, just character development for everyone, tags will update with characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-17 15:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16519037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daveuh/pseuds/daveuh
Summary: A series of one-shots set in the same storylike it's not a story because it doesn't have a plotbut likegosh its hard to explain but if you're looking for an easy read this is the story for youBut anywaysThey all grow into their respected aspectsand although they wonthey just don't know what to expect





	1. The confused - John POV

**Author's Note:**

> Take note that All chapters will have a different Point of view!  
> Like I've never written from Roxy's point of view! So this will be a character study book that has a smidge of plot..  
> The first chapter will Be johns.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Updated on weekends!

1 “It’s only gay if the balls touch.”

John slammed his hand down, sweat rolling down his cheek. The sun was blazing heatwaves down the chipper state of Washington, however, the front yard of the man held a finely aged tree with an ancient swingset. Two men separated by a wooden table, dead center providing leverage for their arms.

John hopelessly glared at Dave, who in turn was also sweating, Although less due to his heat tolerance from the deadly Texan hellwave. 

“I’m literally begging you to shut the fuck up.” 

Dave stretched his worn out shoulders, black tank top hugging his build. He cracked his knuckles once more and wiggled his fingers. He placed his elbow on the wood yet again. Round ten.

John looked exasperatedly at his own hand, hairy and veiny and quickly back to Dave's. Freckled and toned.

“It's a tie dave!” 

“If I win this round then it won't be.” Dave raised his eyebrows.

“Five wins each, my hands practically crying at this point.”

“Slammin’ it down China town till I win this round.” 

“Ugh, you and your rapping”

“You love it bb.”

John rolled his blue eyes and let out a huff, placing his right arm on the wooden plank. “The arm wrestling championships of homobrocodeorum” as Dave would call it, is at its high. 5-5, the final round before the nonexistent crowd “Flips their shit”. Winner takes all.

They both clasped their hands together. Dave gave John a shit-eating grin, and in turn, John stuck his tongue out. They locked eyes, positioned themselves ready, and began the fight.

John gritted his teeth, feeling the numbing pain shoot up his arm, Dave huffed silently as he fought back against Johns muscle mass. Both were entranced in a dance of thorns, Both of their calloused palms sweaty. Dave reaches with his left arm and grips the corner of the table. John Rips his head away from their battle of the bros to see what's Dave's' face is going through. Johns first impression of how Dave's' face was contorted had him thinking many, many things; the second was how he-

Dave has even more sweat slipping down from his face, His long nose is wrinkled, his eyebrows are scrunched and the ray of light that's gleaming through the leaves and illuminating his gorgeous red eyes- your gaze goes back to your clamped hands, its moved a bit.

“ _Fuck_ \- shit- suck off!” he growls, his hand moves in his favor.

“Language dave! My dads, like, two centimeters away from us,” You groan, forcing his hand down to your side.

“You can’t silence the rebellion- fffffuck- Viva a la Revolucion- ASSHOLE!” He shouts as his hand is forced near the end, you can tell he’s biting his lower lip in pain.

You sorta feel sorry for him.

“youuuuuuuuuuuu- DAVE.” His foot pushes against yours from underneath the table, his bare feet are extremely sweaty, but that's not bothering you, that’s an understatement, it’s making you flush from your head to your-

“Dave that’s fucking _cheating_ ,” you glance back at both of your arms, you were once winning, but since Dave wanted to be a fucking dickhead he's got you nearly pinned to the board. 

“It’s not cheating if-” Dave inhales “Its-” He groans one more time as he sinks his foot up your leg “Just-” He lowers his head and pushes your hand down, your eyes crease in panic, both from the leg and from your arm. Shit, he’s gonna win, fuck fuck fuck- What should you focus on, his distracting leg getting closer to your crotch or his fucking hand that's cheating its way to victory. You breathe in heavily and try to push against his force, “The-” You hear, you know what's coming- him or you- both in a battle of strength. 

Dave surges forward, He inhales deeply, the shades have aborted the mission, A bird flies by and the sun is beaming harder and if this doesn’t remind you of a Victorian warrior you don't know whatever will. 

Your hand is rammed down, a loud Thump and a crack come from your wrist, Pain invades your whole right arm and you snatch your arm away from Daves hold.

“Tip!”

You look in horror at your wrist,

¨Dave? what the fuuuuuck..." 

dave catches his breath, he shudders out a half-assed apology and flops down. 

John ran his fingers from his left hand through the sweaty and tangled mess of his hair. He cursed in frustration, finally noticing Dave's' leg has finally left John Jr alone. He felt enlightened at the release from a near-death situation, bless the gods.

John soothed the wrist using his windy powers, a light breeze cooling the flaming bruise. Suddenly remembering that the heating situation could´ve been avoided, you pinch the bridge of your Ray-Ban glasses. 

¨Thanks to you, I gotta go visit Jane,¨ you say, staring at Dave who's currently scrolling through his phone. He hums in response. "I really don't want to tell her how I got this stupid thing." 

A slight smirk flashes from his lips, "You got your ass owned by a cool time god. Bow down on your feet and kiss my sweet ass, Egbert."

You would totally kiss his ass, no homo though. Definitely no homo. It's been 200 years and you still aren't homo, no way Jose. Guys could be good looking and yes you've admitted that but who hasn't? You once slept for 50 years and thought it was a power nap, woke up, and found out that Tom Hardy III started a revolution against the government for trans rights. 

But maybe, just maybe, whenever you look at him, you might just be slightly homo.

Rose talked to you about this, internal homophobia, and how she experienced it for a while during your game. "I was in denial at first, contemplating how my feelings for you were just a fiction I sought as an escape for loneliness and self-hate. My wizard books could reflect as my true self, although, Kanaya and Jade are the real upbringings to my lesbianism." Blah Blah I'm rose and I just add more synonyms to my sentences so I could sound professional as a Seer of Light. 

The point is, 

you aren't homo.

you think.

"Daaaaaaaaaave, for eight thousandth time, I'm _not_ homo! No kissing of the asses will happen in my holy ground A.K.A. my house."

For a split second, you see Dave's face fall, although it was a microscopic gesture. His nose twitches and he sits up.

"I know."

A breeze passes by, the awkwardness spills itself over the air. You have the urge to reassure him about something, but scared shitless he might just call you an ass for invading his personal space. 

Dave quickly picks up "Wanna go inside now?"

You let out a huff from your nose.

"Yeah."

_______________________________________________________________

"Johnson J. Egbert! How in the _dickens_ did you get your wrist broken? Are you out of your mind you buffoon? I leave for a minute and you lot get yourselves twisted in a noose!" 

"Jane! C'mon it's just a scratch, it's not like you need to cut it off."

The gauze wrapping around your slowly healing wrist tightens.

You hiss in pain, "Jane! Jane! Jane! Ow ow ow _ow_!" Her fingers on your forearm squeeze even harder and you need to remember how monstrous your family strength flows from both of your bloodlines because right now pissing off jane while she's helping to heal you isn't a good idea but oh fuck-

"Listen up buster, I could either break your arm and your dimwitted brain or I could heal you up like the nice familial branch I am. "

"Yes! Yes! do the lifey thing or whatever! just don't do the opposite and kill me." 

Jane sighs and releases her death grip on your forearm.

Dave coughs loudly into his hand.

You slowly turn giving him the stink eye, a nice warm feeling bubbling in your chest. He's leaning next to the fireplace that once had your Grandmothers ashes. it's been long replaced with an updated picture of you, Jane, and your "Dad" hugging you both proudly. Bucktoothed glory flashed for all to see. 

"Your hot moms hotter tending to your sickly loss."

Jane squabbles and stutters into a stop, her tanned face blooming a bright cherry red. Her mouth gaps like a fish, loss for words. You on the other hand stare in utter shame and disgust.

"Stop calling Jane hot!"

"Can't stop the inevitable, Dorklord," Dave says, shrugging. "But the great dark lords are whispering sweet sweet nothings in my ear, they're sayin' "John's hot mom" and "it must run in the genes-"

Dave quickly shuts up, biting the inside of his cheek. 

The thought of him indirectly calling you hot sends you flying, but knowing Dave, you frown, it's probably one of his stupid rambling nonsense. 

He picks up the conversation again, pointedly ignoring you while looking at Jane, who still hasn't recovered and is instead wooing into his grip.

"Yo, Jane, show me how the lifey thing works," Dave asks.

Jane adjusts her red oval glasses, Licks her Blood red lips, and snuggles her white blouse closer to her frame. 

“I suppose I could show you, although do you really need healing, John?” She stares at you, “A few days should have you in tip-top shape unless you go ‘Fisticuffing’ with Jake.” She rolls her eyes. “Fool is always asking me to heal him after he and Dirk ruffle around the bush.” Her cheeks tint pink.

Wow, you did not need to know Jake’s sex life with your best friends brother. Dave’s face shows his discomfort.

Dave chimes in with an “I’d kindly prefer if you didn't tell me the kinky ways bro has with John’s wacko cousin.” 

“Hush now,” She smiles “I shall now commence the ritual.”

“Devilish.” He whispers and plops himself on the coffee table next to the first aid kit.

Right then you decide that Dave and Jane should definitely hang out more, the most bombastic duo to cross all of Paradox Space. You watch as Jane repositions herself more comfortably on your white couch, and gently cups your gross and inflamed wrist. Her eyes glow an electric blue. 

The lights dim eerily and Dave whistles in astonishment.

You feel a small tug on your wrist and look over it, Jane’s symbol is transparently encircling it, and it feels cool. 

If you were anyone else, this would’ve probably impressed you. 

After a while of mysterious lifey things (and entertaining yourself with new pranking ideas to use on Rose, be damned her seer powers, seriously.) Jane finally finished with a bang, literally, the whole room was zapped with blue light. Your snap your eyes shut as pain from the extremely bright light nearly turns you blind.

“Aaaand...done!” Jane claps. You slowly open your eyes, analyzing for any difference around the living room. The dying plant that hasn’t been tended to for a while is in full bloom, you raise your brows at the thought of a very angry Jade barking at you for being so inconsiderate for nature's treasures. You turn your head to look at Dave, who’s leaning back with an unreadable expression smack dab on his face. 

Your gaze drops down to your own wrist, fully healed and movable.

Quirking a brow, you notice that Jane didn’t have to throw on an extravagant show. 

“Show off.”

“You bet your bottom dollar I am.” She grins mischievously. 

“Dope.” Dave chimes in once again.

“Mmm, yes very dope.” 

You flex your wrist around, testing out how ‘healed’ it is. You snap it up, Crack it both ways, strain it around for a bit. You decide to summon your sassacrusher, by far the heaviest weapon in your hammer collection.

Your syllabus spits it out right on your hand, and your muscles flex under the weight of it.

Even with the extra strength from endless battles, this shit is heavy.

You grunt a little as the hammer starts tiring your hand out, you swing it up. Feeling the absolute sheer force of the hammer. God this thing could destroy someone. 

Dave whistles.

Jane shrieks when it passes over her head, screaming something along the lines of “Sweet _mother_ , John that's ludicrous!” 

She calms down once you stash it away

Like you said before, strength was basically a present trademark in your family amongst many others. Although each held their own. For Jake, it was his utter insane hunting skills. Adaptability to nature like a wild predator hidden under less charming stupidity. Jade with her animosity to new situations, and a sharper eye for troubling danger. Jane with a quick hand for enigmatic patterns beneath silent and stubborn situations, alongside sheer power from simple commands. And lastly John, absolute authority unparalleled by powerhouse strength. 

She swallows anything that might come out frazzled, and settles for a simple “Dear God.”

Dave, on the other hand, seems absolutely fascinated by the little show you put on, deeming it acceptable to ramble on about how he has the most clout out of Him and Rose. 

“She's going to be destroyed by this, I bet her twenty that you could lift that fucking monster. Fuck newton's law, John can lift. He can crush Thousands with it. Flex the fucking sky in pride you freaking monster, Karkats gonna explode once he hears about this too. Little red sunshine’s ‘bout to blast off from anger alone, fucking perfect,”

You decide to put an end to Dave’s encore political speech because god, how the hell does he come up with these offhand railroad wack paragraphs. 

“As much as I love your second-hand mating call for Demi Lovato, I just wanna take a nap, man.” 

Dave shoots back with a bullet aiming for your immortal heart.

“Demi’s been dead for years; organizations stuck on whether or not to debunk her death as an assassination or a belieber fanatic love poem for Justin. Either way-” Dave ignores your disapproving groan, “I'm layin’ low unless a Stride or die lunatic decides hangin’ my severed balls on their cute lil shrine is a good way to flaunt the fact I've been castrated for pure devotion.”

You cringe, Jane long gone after absconding at the word ‘severed’ is dropped full force.

“You changed the topic too fast.”

“Can’t stay on the unimportant.”

“You were rambling about Karkats hissy fit just five seconds ago.”

“Case closed and burned, can’t live in the past, chief.”

“You were talking about the castration of your balls-”

“I'm the OG Timelord with pornstar temptations.”

“You’re one of the best film directors in the making!” 

“A little exhibitionism never hurt anybody,” Dave says “we’re bickering like an old pruney couple, John.”

You roll your eyes and decide to go for it.

“If you want to go that far, I know grandpa Harley has a lemon party coming up.”

Dave haughtily leans forwards, pressing both hands near your sides, trapping you.

“Is that an invitation, honeycomb?”

You lean in defiance, smirking as Daves hidden brow twitches at the faint proximity.

“Pack your overfilled luggage, Dave. I'm taking you to pound town, Population: you.”

“Oh Mr.Egbert, you flatter my raisin rump, swoon.”

Dave drapes himself across your shoulders.

The loud tick-tock from the grandfather clock resounds through your dead silent room.

Both of you relinquish through the silence, but it’s clear by the way both you and him struggle to hold in your slowly escaping bursts of laughter, there’s no way you would trade this moment for anything else.


	2. The Puzzling - Rose POV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ROSEMARYJADE IN THE FUCKING HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> the start is so OOC but blease bare with me , tis for the fucking plot amigo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lesbians.
> 
> i love.
> 
> lesbians.

“Quite scornful, you’re positive dearest, that nothing bothers you?”

Rose asked Kanaya as they tended to their Grub duties, Rose was painted head to toe from the fluids the mother grub would secrete now and then. She groaned a bit as a small Purple blooded grub nibbled on her shoe.

“...Yes, Rose,” Kanaya replied back, Grabbing a pile of buckets from the corner and placing them neatly next to the indented wall. “Just tending to my motherly grub duties, as always.”

Rose raised a questioning brow, placing a crying Lime grub next to a violet seadweller. They both latched on to each other, crooning.

“Kanaya…” Rose sighed. Kanaya continued to observe the unhatched eggs. 

“Kanaya, look at me,” Rose said louder. She walked calmly towards her wife.

“Kana-” The woman suddenly turned around, The jade blooded troll had a pained expression. Tears brimming her sharp complexion. She held back a sob, breathing heavily from her aquiline nose. 

Rose gaped at Kanaya, unsure of what to do. Why in the world was she crying? 

“My love!” Rose gasped, taking a shaky step. “You’re clearly not fine-”

“Yes, Rose! I'm clearly not well!” Kanaya wept, wiping her eye furiously. “But you’re clearly doing well if you’re flushed for Jade Harley!”

Rose just stared blankly at Kanaya.

“At first,” Kanaya sobbed into her elbow “I simply thought it was a strong moirallegiance, something so...so significant. But then I looked closer, Rose… I pried and picked around at the most trivial of things. The grazing touches… the longing stares. The oh so obnoxious eternal embracings-” 

Kanaya bit her bottom lip, fondling the wedding ring on her finger. 

“I… I'm very distraught, Rose. After a while, I… cherish our human marriage. I adore it! But-” The jade blooded troll, shed one final tear.

“Did it… Did it ever mean anything to you?” 

Rose definitely had no words to say, uttering anything might sullen her mood further then it is. She is clearly not in a mental state for hugging. For all of the knowledge stored in her bright blonde hair, this situation came out negative in all paths. Were she to apologize, Kanaya might antagonize her.

Rose took in a shuddering breath, fidgeting at the tip of her fingers.

“My dearest-” Rose rephrased her sentence as Kanaya sent her a cold glare. “Kanaya, I truly don’t have the words to explain to you the reasoning for all this but hear me out.” 

“Yes. Explain to me.”

A grub pawed at her ankle, and she gracefully picked it up.

“For the longest time, I’ve tried to decipher the ways I could belatedly recount these matters without sounding so unfaithful. I love you more than anything, But somehow-” Rose blinked away tears. “Somehow, shamefully… My heart has been split and I cannot fathom how-” She hugged the sleeping Grub closer “How much...I love both of you.”

Kanaya just stared.

“Maybe it’s a sin, or even frowned upon loving more than one in the same quadrant, but Kanaya,” Rose smiled sadly “My love for you and Jade shows no label, No quadrant.”

“I…” Kanaya trailed off, a pained expression forcing it’s way to her fully green eyes.

“You love someone else? But also… Love me?”

“Yes!” Rose smiled, hugging the Grub tighter. “Yes! Yes! I love you and I love Jade! I’ve been meaning to tell you for so long, but it’s been quite the trial… I did not mean for you to hurt finding out this way, believe me, love.” 

“I don’t… How?” Kanaya whispered, finally having the courage to look rose in the face.

“My lesbianism stays true, but I would’ve never known that I showed polyamory tendencies towards Jade as well, Insightful of me. I presume, that surely, there where couples in Alternia who filled their quadrants with more than one?”

“I’ve heard, but they were culled.” Kanaya smiled. “What is it about Harley that you love?”

“I do find myself loving woman with a fierce bite.” Rose winked, walking until she was next to Kanaya. “Jade, Space player...Beyond normal, interesting hobbies, questioning tendencies…” Kanaya playfully glared at Rose. “If I had to love someone, It would only be you two.” 

Rose thought about how sad she had made Kanaya, Downright pitiful of her. If only she had come to terms with the residing problem in her, none of this would’ve happened. 

Rose gently grabbed the muddied palms of her wife, pawed and smooth. Perfectly trimmed and colored. And Looked up at Kanaya, young, bright (literally), and overly beautiful. Every time this woman even glanced her way, Rose lost her breath. When she woke up and saw this angel sleep peacefully next to her, she silently cried. This woman, this troll, her wife. Changed her life in more ways than one. And be damned if she ever left her, for all she's given Rose, She made it her life goal to love her back. 

Kanaya warily blinked, switching from their clasped hands to the soft gaze Rose gave her.

“I love you, so much.”

Kanaya, not knowing what to do, just settled for hugging Rose.

“I...Love...you too.” 

They both stood there, sweaty and dirty. With a small sleeping grub nestled between their breasts. A candy blue cerulean was playing with an olive blood, chasing each other between their legs.

Rose felt Kanaya breathe in heavily, nestling her face in Rose’s tied back hair.

“You reek of shit.”

Rose chuckled lightly, burying her face near the crook of Kanayas neck. 

“Indeed.”

__________________

 

“Of course I'd join in on your relationship!” Jade squealed, hugging both Rose and Kanaya, who had already cleaned themselves up.

“This will be a new experience for me…” Kanaya chuckled, feeling a slight strain to her back as Jade barked with happiness.

Rose, feeling a heat burn deep inside her, relished in the added warmth. She was extremely happy, oh how long she’d wanted this to work. Even if it lasted a month.

“Oh, Kanaya! I’ve been wondering if you’d like to help me with my plants tomorrow! I asked John but Dave and Him are almost always together these days! Jeez.” Jade pouted, releasing the relieved woman.

“Of course, although, I’m sure I wouldn't be of much help.” Kanaya smiled, flattening out the ruffled front of her black skirt.

“Oh, that’s fine! I just really want to get to know you,” Jade turned around, continuing to make her vegetable soup. “I’m sure a lady such as yourself has many talents.” She hummed, mixing in a few spices.

“Why...Thank you.” Kanaya blushed, she felt a nudge from her side and looked down to see Rose with a smug face.

Kanaya rolled her eyes.

“Beautiful little Rose already helped me handle the Lilys and Petunias, You can help me with the Dandelions and One of my newest and rarest shipments sent my Jake, Strongylodon macrobotrys or as I like to call them, Strongy trys.”

Kanaya crossed her arms, finally sitting down on the wooden table. “Strongy…?” “Strongylodon Macrobotrys.” “Yes, that. You said it’s a rare flower?”

Jade turned around, balancing three wooden bowls with her hands. “Yep!” She said, plopping them down on the table. She pushed each bowl to their owner and sat down beside Rose, who was currently typing away at her phone.

“The Strongylodon is usually seen in the Philippines, Jake, and Dirk where both visiting the island for some “Dangerous ruffling for the unknown caves” in the nearby Filipino islands. Short story is, They got kidnapped, fought against an illegal military base, and founds loaaaads of fuckass flowers!” 

“Hmmm.” Kanaya mumbled, taking a sip of the soup. A nice sweet flavor.

“Jake sent me a few he thought I would like, and sent me a nice postcard with the rare Egyptian necklace of Cleopatra!” Jade barked, showing them a gold plated necklace with a blue beetle embedded at the hilt. 

“Interesting, the patterns are intricately carved…” Kanaya stared in awe.

“He also asked me if I could come for their next trip to Skeleton Coast, Namibia. I’m only coming because its like, one of the deadliest places on earth.” She huffed, chewing on floating carrot. “Don't need that goof and his boyfriend getting killed...again.”  
“Yes, they do tend to die quite often.” Rose chimed in, smacking her black lips.

“Exactly what I mean!” Jade pointed out, “Whenever we think they’re safe, they just get blasted by some hellbeast, from hell!!” 

“We should place a law for those two, ten deaths per month” Kanaya suggested finishing up her last sip.

Rose and Jade both looked at her, and then back at each other. As if sharing a conversation via eyesight alone. Jade burst out in a fit of giggles and Rose in a trail of embarrassing snorts.

Kanaya frowned, was there a joke she didn't understand? 

“Goodness Kanaya, my love-” Rose gasped clutching her sides, “You are too much!”

“Oh my jeez! Hahaha! You’re beautiful AND funny!” Jade guffawed, tipping her head back. 

“I… Dear… Humans do confuse me sometimes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for some strider shitjokes next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew.


End file.
